A wife & A mother

I have indifferent and conflicting feelings about being told I would make a good wife and a mother. While I understand this is primarily meant as a compliment, it does not quite land that way with me. 

I have asked the people who said I would make a good wife and mother to explain what they mean. They essentially name my aptitude for service, attention to detail, demonstration of care, ability to manage problems, and nurturing protectiveness as the reasons why. I understand, and also, hell no. To reduce these qualities to the role of a wife and a mother is insulting. To observe that someone is skilled in the art of authentic love for others and attempt to confine that love to the role of a wife and a mother is selfish. 

Truthfully, in the traditional sense, I would make a terrible wife. I am talking about horrendous! Every imaginable gender restricted and assigned stereotype associated with a wife, I would defy and find immense pleasure in doing so. I am unable to function within the boundaries of a constrained imagination or the limited possibilities of how a relationship could exist. 

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The public conversation around Kendrick Sampson’s interview on Shan Boodram’s LOVERS by Shan podcast is starting to fade away. However, what if I told you that I agree with nearly everything he said during that almost one-hour conversation. Not because I want what he wants for his life, but because I believe in the expansiveness of intimacy, that clarity is one of the purest forms of love, and that we have the power to build a partnership model that aligns with our individual and collective values.

I continue to witness so many people seek marriage only for that marriage to become their cage. I regularly notice individuals enter into parenthood, and it becomes an unspoken regret. I am not the type of woman who can be encased, nor the type that desires to be kept, unless I finally get my opportunity to be the lady Stedman Graham. If that happens, y’all would never hear from me again. Until then, you will have to deal with my yapping.

I am not against marriage or motherhood. I have come to understand that neither of those things is a requirement for my happiness or fulfillment. This level of awareness and acceptance has liberated me in ways that let me stay present while romanticizing my life as it is, not what it could be. 

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I would make a good wife and mother not because of what I can do, but because of who I am, how I think, and what I believe in. I am a true partner and collaborator who has no desire to control anything or anyone, including a man or a child. Nothing about me is traditional, and the next person who tells me I would make a good wife and mother. I am going to respond with “you wanna find out?” and then give them hell!