Kids won’t complete me

To have a womb is to have woes, worries, and worth assigned to your being without consent. I have all the parts and pieces to birth a whole human, yet no strong desire to do so. This has created woes and afflictions, worries and apprehensions, and a deep exploration of worth and purpose. When I was younger, I used to fantasize about all the things: a husband, kids, a house, and a career. The older I got, the more I realized those fantasies were conditioning. The more I learned and the experiences I collected, I began to recognize that having kids would not complete me because I do feel incomplete without them.

I am knocking on forty’s door and childless by choice, and I firmly believe that most birthing people who make these decisions give it great consideration. I also wholeheartedly maintain that this decision is one profoundly rooted in love. A love for self, for others, and the future. I imagine that some may read this and immediately question “how can you love the future and not bring kids into the world, are they not the future? Are they not your legacy?” 

I do not hold that children alone are your legacy, because this idea feels reductionary and unloving. Children are not possessions, and they are bigger than the person who birthed them. Children are autonomous with their own dreams, desires, and destinies. I have witnessed far too many parents who selfishly, not selflessly, had kids. Their love is rooted in fear, their control is disguised as care, and their value is predicated on someone else's life. 

I know who I am, my value, and my purpose with or without kids, and honestly, I have not met many parents who can confidently say the same. We cannot ignore that kids can serve as a distraction from self, and my heart sees the pain that comes with feeling unsure about who you are and why you are here.  

I am not lonely. I am not lost. And even if I were, I would never have a kid just for company and to find my way. There's no love in this act. I am whole, happy, and present in my life. I also do not doubt that I would be a phenomenal mother and co-creator to likely one of the dopest tiny humans this world has ever witnessed. 

If this happens for me, cool. 

If this does not happen for me, cool. 

If I never give birth to a human, I know for a fact that I have given birth to possibilities for others and opportunities for many. My legacy is solidified. Anything from here is simply a bonus!