I was laid off
I was laid off from a role I enjoyed and by a company I expected more from.
I have worked in the nonprofit sector for a decade, and each nonprofit I worked for was Black-led, which honestly does not make much of a difference. Let me be clear: I firmly believe that nonprofits will not save us, and they are not the antidote to political, state, and social violence. I understand that the system of philanthropy and the nonprofit structure are created to conceal wealth, hoard power, and control social movements in the name of doing good.
Working at a nonprofit eerily feels like being a member of Heaven's Gate with a W-2 and without a pair of black Nike Cortez. There have been plenty of times I have sat in meetings and thought to myself, “What type of cult shit is going on in here?” There was no point during my career in the nonprofit sector when I drank the metaphorical Kool-Aid. I attribute it to having a rich political education, solid mentors, personal awareness, and an unwavering commitment to the people.
I am incredibly observant and attuned to my environment and have witnessed so many enter into these spaces idealistic, hopeful, and motivated, which are necessary attributes. Unfortunately, the current composition of the nonprofit industrial complex is where idealism meets realism, hope meets paternalism, and motivation meets capitalism.
These are the reasons I do not have a dream job and have no interest in finding one because, to me, they do not exist. I have a set of values, beliefs, and priorities that I carry with me no matter what I do or where I work. I no longer negotiate harm or rationalize moral decisions when all this shit is fucked up. The primary distinguishing factor between the private, public, and nonprofit sectors is tax status. So basically one puts sugar in the grits, one puts salt, and the other puts nothing at all–you are still eating grits; you just have to choose your flavor profile.
Each job I took at a nonprofit was meaningful and aligned with the three priorities I center my work on:
Increase the visibility of Black social workers.
Create pathways to opportunities for Black youth and Black people.
Eliminate barriers to dreaming for Black youth and Black people.
However, what I have come to accept from working for Black-led organizations is that many seem to have constructed policies, practices, and behaviors directly from the white supremacy culture handbook. While some might speak in abolitionist and social justice babble, they are not really ‘bout that life. Truthfully, there are times I question if I am ‘bout that life’ because I consistently move between let it all burn, let’s exercise pragmatism to build consensus, let’s activate our imaginations to dream of a new world, and forget it; I’m about to work at Costco.
I used to feel like I was being punished for having discernment, utilizing critical thinking, and displaying curiosity because these are not the things that yield rewards. I no longer feel this way. If anything, I feel fiercely protected and divinely guided. My work is not done; however, I know now more than ever that this phase of my life and career is complete.
Job well done, Kim. It is time to move on.
